He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize