PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
