i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
