I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
