He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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