Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
