Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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