Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
