P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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