All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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