her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize