the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
