Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
