I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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