Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
