he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your penis caused this!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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