He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
