Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
