Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize