u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
