Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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