I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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