He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
