Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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