so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
