How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
