I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
