Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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