he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just invented taco cereal.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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