Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
