guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
