I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
