He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
