when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize