i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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