i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
