I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
