so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
