my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
