People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
