its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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