I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
