Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
