the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
