what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
