I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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