I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
