how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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