No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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