so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
