Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
