Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
