If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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