i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
