Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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