I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
