I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize