I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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