So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
