I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
