I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
