Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
